Joe's World 3 - Memories

I looked outside and saw Donny reaching for the door. "Here comes trouble" I said to myself. I wish I hadn't been so right.

A delivery had arrived earlier and I had been stocking groceries in the aisles. I should have went behind the counter but I wasn't going to back away from some punk. I stood up and crossed my arms watching Donny come stumbling into the store.

"Well looky here," he said, " it's the faggot grocer of Fagville!" His friends, who had come in to see the 'show', all laughed.

"Hello Donny. I don't want any trouble with you tonight. If you want to help with this mess fine - otherwise let us get our work done."

The boy roared with laughter and seemed to ease up a bit. He didn't seem as drunk as I had first thought.

"Oh that's rich, just rich. I know you like me but we ARE in a public place."

He turned to my coworker and said, "aren't you supposed to leave your customers alone? Or do you drag them into the back room for some fun?"

This was getting ugly but I was confused. I wasn't sure what he was up to but I felt he was referring to that night in Zombies. Why would he do that?

"That's enough," I said.

"What? You don't want to tell us about your near conquest? Shame, shame on you."

"What?"

"Dragging poor boys into bars..."

"What bar?!" I was starting to get angry playing these games.

"I didn't DRAG anyone anywhere."

"I saw you!" said a pimply faced youth in a cap. "Coming out of that fag bar!"

"So what, I didn't take anyone there and I left alone."

Suddenly it was quiet. Everyone seemed to be looking at Donny. He looked stricken and helpless for a moment. Then he rallied and stepped toward me.

"You! You pervert, going around taking boys into bars when they're drunk!"

"Fuck off!", I said angrily, "any boys in that bar got there by themselves. Besides, it was you who groped me. Remember?"

As soon as I said it I regretted it. His face turned red and he was close to crying. He seemed the epitome of despair. He looked around at his friends and they looked away. The pimply faced kid snickered.

Donny glared at the guy and the kid stepped backwards a bit. Donny slowly turned around and around. He started to shout louder and louder.

"You're all alike! Just a bunch of sick fucks who won't let people alone. Ya gotta keep pushing anyone different. I don't need assholes like you around so fuck off!"

Nobody moved.

"Fuck off!" he screamed in rage. Then he pulled a gun.

It sounds like a cliche but time does stand still sometimes. He waved the pistol back and forth between me and his friends. We were all paralyzed watching the gun.

I found my strength and stepped forward. "Donny," I said, "put down the gun."

He stopped turning and pointed the pistol at me. His friends made a rush for the door or hid behind the shelves.

"I can't. Don't you understand? I can't."

He started bringing the gun up and I leaped towards him.

"Nooo!" I cried.

I almost had the gun in my hands when it went off. The bullet struck Donny in the neck and he fell into my arms. We sank to the floor as I tried to stop his bleeding. Donny looked at me and smiled briefly. Then he frowned in pain again.

"I don't want to be gay," he said and closed his eyes.

I sat on the floor holding his lifeless body in my arms. I rocked back and forth, and cried my heart out. I cried for him and I cried for me. In a way he had killed both of us that night. My anger and despair and my old life also bled onto that floor.

I didn't know the police had arrived until they took the gun away and paramedics took Donny out of the store for the last time.

Continued...

Joe's World 2 - Memories

I was moody after I emailed Vince. I sometimes get that way after talking to him. He is a good friend but sometimes just sees the old me: the angry me. I was angry once and for good reason. I am healed now.

I went and grabbed a beer and sat watching TV. Some politician was rambling on about the great things they were going to do for Victoria. As if anything would change this place. I scowled and switched it off.

I may be healed but I can't forget or forgive. The pain and fear that drove Mary away freed me to be myself. She left me when I needed her, but by doing so she set me free. I shouldn't fool myself. It isn't Mary I hate: it's that kid. Donny.

Donny was 15 and half crazy. He hung around the store I worked at and drank with his friends. He had a big ego and an even bigger chip on his shoulder. He would call everyone he disliked names like 'queer', 'faggot' and so on. His friends were called such endearing terms as 'dipshit' and 'fuckhead'. He was an asshole.

The problem with Donny was that I liked him or I wanted to. I knew he was gay because I had sat with him in Zombies. How or why he ended up in the bar I don't know but he was friendly to me and I was nervous being there. I wasn't going to do anything of course but I enjoyed our visit. Donny could be quite nice when he was drunk.

We chatted and then he grabbed my crotch. I panicked and pushed his hand away. The people at the next table just laughed and went back to their business. Donny got angry and left. I sat there feeling stupid and lonely. I went home alone that night.

The next morning he shows up at the store and is his usual self. I try to be nice to him and he pulls away.

"Don't touch me faggot" he yells. His friends laugh. He feels braver and starts to insult me even more. I ask him to leave the store and my manager comes out.

Donny says to the manager:

"This guy tried to grope me! I'm only 15!"

George, the manager, glared at me and tried to sooth the boy. He always gave in to customers especially if they made noise. George was usually a wimp and that day he was no different. Stupid ass.

We finally got Donny to leave and it was quiet for the rest of the day. I went home and Mary was there. She was angry because I didn't go to her place the night before.

"Where did you go?" she asked.

"I just popped into a few bars. I didn't stay long anywhere."

I could see she didn't buy that. We chatted for a bit and she left for work. I wondered if anyone had seen me at Zombies. I hoped not.

Things were quiet for a few days. I mostly stayed home and Mary avoided me. I didn't mind. I needed to think.

On the following Friday my shift changed to graveyards. Normally that wasn't a problem but this was exam time and the students would be relieving pent up stress. It was going to be a wild night.

It was fairly quiet until 11pm. Three cars pulled up in front of the store and the teenagers got out and talked with some people. Nobody came into the store. They seemed to be waiting for something.

About five minutes later another car pulled up and out stepped Donny. He staggered a bit and seemed drunk. He headed toward the door.

Continued...